Enigma & Contradiction

by December Murphy

When you’ve seen the things I’ve seen,

When you’ve heard the things I’ve heard,

When you’ve felt the things I’ve felt,

You will feel as worthless as I do.

You will fear loving someone as I do. 

You will yearn to be in a relationship and frightened by the thought of it;

You will want commitment, but struggle to trust.

You will be the embodiment of contradictions;

You will always feel accepted and rejected.

You will have become an enigma.

You will be Forever trying to find the answer to why:

Why can’t you be different?

Why did your life have to be the way it is?

Why do you have to suffer?

Why can’t you open up?

Why must you feel empty?

Why must you be broken?

You will question yourself constantly;

You will constantly berate your very existence.

You will wish for death endlessly,

Because you cannot begin to understand why you’ve been subjected to the life you live.

Because You hate yourself,

Because you are an enigma,

An enigma fueled by contradictions.